Something I need to remember!

Hubby, one of my sons and I decided to take a ride to CT to give my mom a surprise visit. I Facetime my mom everyday during the week. When she lived in Panama, calls were periodic. I had to use phone cards and couldn’t talk for long, so when she moved to the US, calls became more frequent and I cannot remember when they became daily. It's been at least over a decade! Our calls are never long, unless my mom has a lot on her mind, feeling particularly melancholic, or chatty that day. Recently, we began to pray on our calls and that has been good, Anyway I digressed. 

We decided to take a ride to CT, about a 7 hour drive. I brought my Nintendo Switch that one of my sons gifted me. I hadn’t played it in a while, by a while I mean months. I also brought my book: “Caring for the Child Within-My Journey to Emotional Healing.” I had been talking to my Life-Coach and told her that so many Spanish speaking women have been impacted by my book, and I want to promote it a little more than I have in English. So I decided to skim through it, with the goal of finding an excerpt that I could write a post and share about it. 

As I started reading, I couldn’t just skim through, I ended up reading the whole thing. 

It’s been a long time since I read my book as a “reader” not the author. By a long time I mean years. My book was published in English on August 9, 2016. That’s 10 years ago. When I am asked to speak about the topic in my book, I tend to read one excerpt often. So it was nice to read it and experience it like when I published it or more. 

As I read, I became incredibly emotional. When I published this book in Spanish, the goal was to normalize things that used to bring me shame. One of them is struggling with mental health. In my book I share about being diagnosed with panic attacks, and PTSD. 

I feel so proud of myself because I did that! I published a book that was very vulnerable. 

I saw a courageous, brave, risk taker, vulnerable, transparent... a woman who appreciates love and support. A woman who loves her children with passion, so much so that she is willing to work through what’s uncomfortable for their sake. An imperfect woman who messes up and is willing to accept it. A woman who loves God and is willing to wrestle with Him. 

The more I read the more I was blown away. I told my husband who was driving, “Wow. I am brave for publishing this book.” He smiled and said, “I bet you are thinking I can’t believe I published that.” My answer was “For sure, but I do not regret it. I am so grateful I did.” 

There are things I believe we do because someone bigger than us gives us the push to do so, for me that is God. When I think about the fear I had in publishing it; fear of showing my imperfections to the public and how I moved past that, I give glory to God. As I read, all I can say is that I am grateful I pushed through because it was worth it!

God encouraged me so much after reading my own book, but He wanted to encourage me more. 

A couple days after my trip, I got a text from a dear friend: “I read your book again, and I finally posted a review.” I smiled when I saw that text and thought to myself, “I did the same thing.”  

I read her review and I was so moved that I read the other ones, even though  they are from years ago. Reading them again filled my heart with joy and gratitude. 

Sometimes we need to pause and look at the things God has done, because there is so much that fights to beat us down, discourage us, or steal our joy. Taking a moment to look at what God has done can keep us moving forward when we feel like all hope is gone.

I started writing another book that I was hoping to publish one day (I can’t find the draft for it). I was going to name it: “Care for the Child Within and then let her fly.” 

In that book I was planning to talk about how it was hard to end a journey of therapy with a therapist I really loved but I remember how she said: “Olivia, you will be OK.” At that time, God had used it to help me to overcome many hurdles, but my family and I had to move to a different state, so our times ended. I remember how afraid I was to rely on my intuition (still hard to do that) and be OK if I make a mistake. I am human. 

Towards the end of my book I I was reading I wrote: “Little Olivia” lived her life, and as sad as it may be have been, it is time for her to rest so that through the love and guidance of her heavenly Father, adult Olivia can become the woman “Little Olivia” imagined she would be.” 

“Little Olivia” and adult me, will always have ongoing healing, but I am incredibly grateful that I am living a lot of the dreams she imagined.

P.S The post from my friend writes: “We have all heard the saying, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” Olivia reveals in, Caring for the Child Within, how we can also look for healing in all the wrong places. This is a MUST READ for every woman as we all have little girls, within us, who need nurturing, compassion, and the courage to walk hand in hand through our past hurts. Well Done, My Friend 💕” 

A copy of my book can be purchased on Amazon.