Wait for the Timing: Letting Things "Cook"

Growing up, my mom taught me that I will know if the spaghetti is cooked by throwing it against the wall. If it sticks, it's cooked. It didn’t always stick the first time, sometimes it took a few tries. Looking back, it didn't always stick the first time; sometimes it took a few tries. 

Fun fact: I did that as a young married woman until I learned that there were other ways to test if the spaghetti was cooked! 

One important thing I forgot to mention about the process was that if I threw it and it didn’t stick I needed to wait a little longer before trying again.

Sometimes I look at the goals in my life that are “cooking”. I can take a step and then God makes it clear to wait a little longer, but I don't. I throw the spaghetti again and then I am shocked that it didn’t stick. 

For me this primarily happens in relationships. Because I deeply value connection, when a disagreement arises, I have to consciously choose to wait for things to cool down before continuing the conversation. I have created unnecessary trouble by trying to force a resolution instead of letting things "cook" until emotions settle.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1

I can be guilty of finding reasons to address things immediately. Ephesians 4:26 was one of the reasons I will give myself permission to excuse my behavior: “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” To my shame, I use that verse consciously and unconsciously to validate my impatience.

Eventually, I learned that it wasn’t about resolving everything instantly—it was about taking personal responsibility not to hold on to bitterness or anger. I am still working on this, but I have come a long way!

One area where I show a lack of self-control in this area was in my marriage. Late-night conversations that could easily have waited until the morning often left my husband exhausted.

A major breakthrough came when I learned to say: “I’m not okay right now, but we are going to be okay. We can talk tomorrow.”

I had to realize that holding onto anger before bed is a choice, and my peace doesn’t have to depend on having every conversation fully resolved immediately.

I was grateful when I learned to say that. 

I had to learn that going to bed angry was a choice, and it should not be dependent on if a conversation was resolved or not. 

So now, if I try to move forward with something and it isn’t working, I remind myself to just wait a little longer. 

Eventually, it will be fully "cooked," and I’ll be able to enjoy the fruit of my patience.